Already got asked if we're dating
Why did u sent me a picture of a dead horse?
i could hear you having sex and was jealous, wanted to kill the mood
Mom found my vibrator. all the said was 'wow, I've never seen one like this before.'
we don't live in the stone age anymore, mom
Care to explain to me why theres a baby food jar filled with semen in my fridge? or why its labeled as unicorn sweat?
we hate each other therefore the sex is mindblowing
I forgot to tell you thank you for putting me out when I was on fire. im sure I'll laught about this someday...
Just because Aaron is a gender neutral name does not mean I am letting you name your baby after a drug dealer
Things I have that belong to you: shorts, headband, bra, purse, chinese food, vodka, and blood on my jeans. Happy homecoming.
The number of people who end up getting laid as a result of the cha cha slide....is terrible.
I really really need to have and out of body experience just so I can talk to myself about this shit that I'm doing with my life.
I just screamed IM THE CHUPACABRA and jumped on his dick. I need to evaluate my life choices.
You slapped my ass and yelled "HOOTY TOOTY WHAT A BOOTY" in a Schwarzenegger voice
I can't believe i just offerred a guy a burrito and head, and got turned down. Officially celibate now.
Of course I'm going to see her again. She had waterproof handcuffs in her shower.
For full disclosure: I told my roommates last night that you have a very clean asshole.
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