why do i have 22 missed calls from someone who is literally saved in my phone as bumrape star??
You gave him head? He fingered you? A little bit of make out?
WHAT THE FUCK ITS LIKE YOU WERE THERE
he spent the whole night trying to convince me into a2m. i won't even use the pb til i clean the jelly knife. i love him but it's not going to happen.
Watching NYC prep. Doing a shot everytime one of these d-bags flips his hair. I give it 10 minutes before alcohol poisoning set in.
it wasn't the penis i had been hoping for.....but i took it regardless.
Puked in my laptop case in the middle of my nutrition class.
There are bruises on the top of my foot. The pole won.
Close your eyes and stop texting and think about puppies. You'll be fine.
He kept calling my vagina a magic clam, and it was speaking to him, telling him to feed it his penis. I played along.
Well. No wine. And no real mixers. I'm using vodka and grape juice and calling it Slurrrlot. Happy Holidays bitch.
Ok. As long as I can keep Kevin contained to the room I'll be ok. If not u might have a naked puking Kevin at ur door
I'm by myself. some Midwest chick is hitting on me because I gave her a deviled egg. I need the distraction.
Just paid my weed guy with a check. I've got this whole adult thing down.
sometimes i like to lay one the floor and pretend im a carrot.
Someone should walk up to them and say, "We're sorry, you're too hot to be out here with the other humans."
Randomize
