Thats how high i was. The fact that he looked like Seth Rogan was apparently a good thing.
he designed a suit out of pillows to protect himself when he fell.
engineering majors are such efficient drunks.
If I come over right now will you promise to distract your grandpa in the morning so I don't have to do the walk if shame with 1940's style judgement?
New major. Tourism Management. I dont know what it is but it sounds like something all the stupid slutty failed business management majors do.
All I really need to know is how to say "where is the bathroom" and "I don't take it in the butt anymore". I think that will suffice.
If you don't sing me a lullaby then I'll just take shots till I pass out
I legitimately had a champagne shower last night at a rave. I was also carrying around two bananas in my pockets like guns. Drunk doesn't even. Begin to explain My night.
Omg. I wanna lecture the drug dealer about how highschool should not be his glory days.
I also point out to everyone that she looks like DJ's gf on Roseanne.
My wife climbed on top of me, fucked my brains out, and gave me money from the ATM. I'm living the dream.
Landen experienced Greenville for the first time last night. He was awaken by 2 cops and 4 EMS guys this morning in the bed of that truck that is for sale at the swashbuckler carwash, said he was trying to walk to waffle house... Greenville- 1, Landen- 0
I actually haven't slept with anyone in a while. I think my whore phase is just seasonal.
I just unmatched him. If your Thirsty Thursday only consists on the gym then I am not the woman for you ✌🏻️
I almost got decked by a guy who looked like Mr. Clean. How was your night?
I just wanna be naked and go frolic in the snow
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