Di me a solid and hit me with your car.
so i told him i have my period and he put his head by my vagina and said "I HATE YOU!"
you came in and threw goldfish on our blue carpet and screamed SWIM BITCHES and then made me drink a best friends potion with you
I just found out my first birthday was a keg party. Suddenly everything makes sense
We did it and he fell asleep and I was bored so I decided to go back to the party...is that bad?
next time a party gets busted lets get a group photo first.
I am not apologizing for rubbing my balls on your leg...that is a risk you take when you come out to the bar with me
She just broke down showed up grabbed a beer said fuck it pulled off her fake eyelashes looked at my roommate and said we need to break up you're a nice guy and I'm a whore
ATTENTION ALL CONTESTANTS OF SLUTFEST 2012 ; not only will we be judging on how many penis you have sucked but also girth and length will be calculated. If you are found lying you will be disqualified. Remember your fellow participants will be rendering the same services to probably the same people. So choose wisely and let the games begin!
I'm about one sudden movement away from being able to cross "throw up in a fortune 100 company's bathroom" off my bucket list.
Ok, I have three hours. I'm trying to work out two blow jobs and a taco.
If I had a penis, I'd want to put it in you. And I'd treat you with respect and pay for your drinks.
Crowning achievement. I bought ranch dressing and emergency contraception.
can i get licensed in dentistry online like a priest
I feel like people expect me to always be a sarcastic, shade throwing drunk. And you know me, I hate to disappoint.
Randomize
