she gave me a schnouzer then wanted to kiss while we were having sex...i had to puppy slap her nose. pick me up out front.
U Should have said " it's ok baby most girls Sh*t when I do that.
also, you're talking to the girl for whom "deformed baby arm" wasn't quite a dealbreaker.
The men handing out bibles on the quad are blatantly skipping me... am i that obvious
I fucked him in a hamburger. literally. he has a hamburger bed.
Its that time of week again, Bad life decision wednesday
I remember coming home with a cat... I havent seen it all day. Shit.
We all told you to throw up but you just stuck your head in the toilet and screamed..
We still going to Happy Hour
Idk. I can't because it doesn't fit in my schedule of sleeping or throwing up
announcing that you were the mayor of bjtown got their attention.
Is it sad that i just saw my moms thumb on the table & i instinctively put mine down cuz i thought she was thumbmaster?
PA to anyone at the party last night and wondering where your pants are: they are in my backyard.
I don't need my coworkers thinking I'm a nutcase.
You gift wrapped a tampon.
FUCK IM ABOUT TO GET A DICK PIC IN THE LIBRARY
Because I'm currently dying, lacking waffles, and vaguely convinced I'm an eagle
Randomize
