guess who just spent driver's ed figuring out how to draw a guy giving head
made out with the bouncer to distract him from how illegitimate my fake id is.
I just passed a drug test. I want to shout that from the top of a mountain. Can we have beers on the top of a mountain?
She was literally passed out in a cubicle with a flask in her hand. I LOVE finals week!
I'm not sure how many more innuendos I can slip into this fucking conversation before I just blatantly say "I want to fuck you."
well I have to shit but I'm too hungover to push, and I snorted advil so I wouldn't have to swallow it and throw up.. hungover is an understatement.
Drinking heavily at 3pm and about to rescue a 30lb street turtle. Dont even bother attempting to rise to this level bitch
I'm wearing a suit and have no chance of getting laid or robing a casino. I consider this opportunity a failure
we didnt plan anything. just randomly met up in the park, both reached into our pockets and each lit up a joint without exchanging words. we're telepathic potheads.
All I want is a hot dog on a Saturday at 2:19 is that to much to ask?!
I can't wait to see you & have espresso-fueled sex
she told me id be a great addition to their lesbian community and shes giving me sex eyes from across the room. come get me NOW
Lighting a fucking bong with a candle. Straight up dedication.
We walked into the RA's room and he said "is that alcohol" and I screamed "IT'S WATER" and ran out and Vanessa slammed the door and started making out with him.
the raccoons are back...
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