i kinda do this "flirt with girls and pretend to be a hot white guy named chris" thing
you kept wiggling your finger at everybody at the party telling us this is how he fingered me. you seemed pretty upset about it.
im getting a BJ in a closet
and a penguin just handed me a bong
His facebook status is an owl city song. I'm so glad i didn't end up fucking him.
we are learning about oedipus in english. fuck you for making this awkward for me
jungle juice + heels + stairs = broken arm
Toga everclear = hospital visit... Im sure the paramedics hate me right now
there has got to be a maximum amount of semen a person can take in before they get some kind of poisoning.
ur not supposed to find someone to make out with when ur bf takes u to his SISTERS house to hang out with her and her husband
Grandma is giving me marriage advice again. On the plus side, she thinks I'm straight now.
His fucking flight got canceled because the president stopped at the airport he was flying out of... Fuckin Obama literally just cock blocked me
Drunk you wants to be petty, not you you.
I'm feeding a baby and swiping on tinder...what has my life come to?!?!
Somehow my boobs came up in conversation AGAIN last night and I'm still not getting laid...
ALL I WANT IS SEMEN IN/ON/AROUND MY BODY. WHY IS HE MAKING THIS SO HARD.
Randomize
