come over
yeah sure
wait who is this again? my contacts got deleted...but tell me and ill be there in 10
dude...I wrote 15 jersey shore quotes on her body. she is going to do the walk of shame with snookie on her forehead.
I need Christmas break to be over. I'm tired of fucking my old High School girlfriends
Apparently the library doesn't care about celebrating the day Jesus became a zombie.
He held me the entire night. Not endearing kind of way. Like kidnapping or held hostage kind of way.
I know you're trying to keep the moaning to a minimum but the banging on the wall is totally giving you away
I just got released from jail. still in my kilt. bring pants damnit. they won't understand.
pants will make it better? really?
That's not a good night. A good night is waking up with no skirt, no money, and the imprint of the edge of the bar on your forehead.
I tried to make friends with the geese living behind Hughes. They didn't really like that idea.
Are you high?
Until you find your self finger banging supergirl in the middle of the dance floor while her friends are passing around for luigi mustache for a photo op, YOU HAVE NOT HIT MY LEVEL
I told your dad we had a nice lunch and hung out for awhile. It seemed more appropriate than "I had a bite of his canned chili and then we ripped each others clothes off."
If we don't rescue him from the fat chick soon, she is going to eat him alive and suck the marrow from his bones.
It's Reggie from Taco Bell, send me a pic.
In other news, I just sent her a video of me masturbating while driving in the rain, so I guess you could say I've mastered Snapchat
if having to see my ex’s dick once in a while is the price I pay to the universe for making my life go a little smoother, I’ll take it
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