MIND BOGGLER: batman and jesus are the same person. Think about it.
I think 2012 will be the year I purposely put myself in awkward situations. Much like 2011 but really trying this time. Like fucking the little sister of a girl I already fucked and dating a chick that lives with her ex. It could be awesome or horrible.
we were hooking up and then he goes "you can touch my penis" and i laughed too hard to do anything. no second date.
I'm going to make out with someone. I'm on a mission. I don't even care if I'm wearing beer goggles. As long as he's not shorter than me, gay, or a woman.
I feel like getting drunk at the airport is sort of a rite of passage into adulthood, but maybe i should reserve that occasion for a flight thats not just 1 hr
The ranger made you choose between a ticket and pouring all the beer out since it was a state park.
I've never seen you that close to tears as you poured out 30 beers.
Until they make a bed that bathes you in your sleep, I will not be satisfied.
You drunkenly hook up with 5 people in one night and suddenly everyone tries to party with you.
She looks like a hot George Washington...I'm going for it
Baked goods and tits. Hard to go wrong there.
Ive decided to see your threat against my life as you flirting
Swiping left on your brother's Tinder account is possibly the worst way to learn he broke up with his girlfriend.
I love him about as much as I'd love fucking myself with a cactus.
My autobiography will be 500 pages of the words "I probably should've thought this through" typed over and over.
Thank god for Taco Bell keeping you out of jail
Randomize
