i just used the Cadillac of toilet papers. For a minute i actually forgot i was even wiping my ass....i thought i was floating butt first into heaven
pube in her braces AGAIN. barely kept a straight face.
why do they call them blowjobs? ....unless i'm doing it wrong?
I just convinced a girl to drink my spit cup cuz I said it was dark beer and would get her drunk faster. I dare you to try something better.
How the hell can the Olympic committee frown so much on weed and yet put on a show you would have to be high to actually enjoy?
We're going clubbing with matching soccer jerseys on.
What will that accomplish?
It will accomplish clubbing with matching soccer jerseys on.
Nope she woke up in a hotel room alone on 55th street. A guy in a lamborgini gave her a ride this morning. She was walking barefoot home
until he told me my vag was like a juicy apple and he loved eating it, yes, i really did think we were both sober.
That chick went from zero to shitshow in only 6 shots.
It felt like Party Santa dropped by and gave us two more 18-packs.
So... Really random... You know we only exist cause Dad misspelled 'perseverance', right?
Oh. I'm probably going to just get a viagra and ruin your life.
When you're really drunk, Japanese toilets just have an unnecessary amount of buttons.
I agree and I would be an awesome dog
If there's one thing I think I could really excel it, it's curating a midlife crisis
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