you were stealing lawn gnomes and punching cars. I'm not surprised you got arrested.
just told my prof that "i dont give a fuck" about the final. nothing like a having a signed employment contract already
Can we please have a moment of silence for my reputation?
Wake and baked to watch the boston marathon. God I love massachusetts
my resolution for 2011 is to fuck him whenever he wants it. this year I'm going above and beyond the call of booty.
riding the spinning bikes at the rec after Valentines Day was a baaddddd idea
Weve literally been going out drinking five days a week. That counts as a full time job right?
Did i mention i'm like the equivilent of a prepubescent boy suffering from preejaculacy? I just about creamed my pants when he grabbed my hand..
I can feel my ovaries exploding thinking about them.
He goes "sorry was at the gym. Some of us workout " and I wanted to text him back and go "well some of us do occasional drugs so we don't have to"
I'm not sure... How do you tell someone who was so smashed they couldn't remember shoving their dick into the fireplace that their mother actually witnessed the whole thing?
Just used the "Buddy" Poppy flower I got from a veteran to clean my one hitter. "I'm proud to be an American"
11% beer and firearms, what could possibly go wrong?
Just so you know in the morning, yes you did send your bartender a snap of your boobs. No I didn't try to stop you because you used sound logic for doing so.
He literally poured blue Gatorade on me after we had sex and said "good game" all over my white sheets
Randomize
