I was 10 minutes late leaving for lunch today because I couldn't lose a boner. It is impossible to tuck it when your shirt is tucked in...gotta quit facebook stalking hot chicks at work
Well its official I'm an idiot. I made out hardcore with an employee last night in our banquet room. Oh and got wasted at work. Oh and showed my staff squirrel on a trampoline.
I think "bars open christmas minneapolis" is the saddest google search i've ever done.
i dont know what it was but it was definately NOT a vagina
Its mothers day and I have choke marks around my neck. Thanks for that.
I woke up to blood crusted on my face. I don't understand
team rage. no explanation necessary
They're taking me to ER. Mistasnkingly. Come get me.
Do you think I should still be the condom fairy for Halloween even though I'll be like.. Almost 8 months pregnant?
Just took a shot of tequila with a random guy at the supermarket. Happy cinco de fourth.
Today was my cousin's Kindergarten graduation. I happen to also think of it as a MILF convention.
WHAT IF I SAT OUTSIDE AND STARTED SCREAMING THE LYRICS TO O CANADA WOULD THAT FIX IT
PLEASE DON'T
oh man that would be weird.. i feel like we should do dirty things before anything super intimate like a massage.
I'm handling the NHL draft worse than getting dumped this week
On a scale of 1-10 how inappropriate is it for me to ask if Walgreens offers teacher discounts when purchasing a Plan B pill?
What happened last night? I just woke up and there's like 15 mcflurry cups on the floor
You don't remember stealing them?
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