Go to google and type XXX
.......Is that how you look for porn?
I swear it started with good intentions but then my slutty side took over and we started playing strip checkers
He woke me up at 4am just to lick my nipple. Then he talked in his sleep for 20 minutes about the sex we just had. I think it's safe to say he's a weird one, but I dont care cuz he fucks like a champ.
Less talking, more tequila
It's ok that you're screwing someone else while trying to get back with me, I'm banging three girls while I ignore you.
im at work. we just had a random 14-year-old amish girl come in and gift us with cinnamon rolls as thanks for letting her use the bathroom. i dont even know.
Number of twigs I found in my hair: 5
Lets get coked out and steal a parrot this summer
He literally named all the parts of the vagina as he fingered me. No more pre-med virgins.
Company sent me first class out of state, got so drunk on the plane I started handing out pillows and blankets to the people in coach
Pretty good. Thinking about getting day drunk and filling out job applications so I don't hate myself as much
I got St Patrick's Day drunk on Friday and apparently ordered a Total Gym in the middle of the night
YOU ATE THE FUCKING GOLDFISH!?
Sorry dude, one minute I was flirting with a bachelorette party from Dallas and the next I’m being tied to the bed by the bride
Trying to wrangle us an invite to the wedding
I didn’t spend $100 for a wax to sit here and listen to you FT your brother to complain about how bad the Jets are.
Randomize
