Ended up passed out drunk in the neighbors lawn, still in costume. Neighbors thought I was a lawn decoration. Ten points for best Halloween ever.
I was about to watch some really classy porn. Title was ravenous for dick. I didnt know pornstars knew ravenous was a word.
on a side note you can NOT make bong water out of a pear
someone who i have in my phone as thundercock just said he was DTF
I'm on my fifth cocktail in twenty minutes. I don't think I will end this on two legs.
Note to self: semen does not count as food to take medicine with
You know my ex in high school who cheated on me and dumped me right before prom? A decade later, I just saw her again...working at an Arby's. it was a good day...
He told me he deactivated his facebook because his girlfriend caught him wackin it to my profile picture.
10 points to you
Denis dont give a fuck, Denis drinks out of straws. Denis disregards the fire station & bought 18 fire hoses so he can fight it himself if the farmhouse is on fire.
no it was not a "magical experience". After we dropped, he just sat there staring at my laptop going "apple makes beautiful things".
He's got the most well kempt beard I've ever seen and I need it between my thighs is basically what I'm saying
1. so the new neighbor u called dibs on.. I'm sorry..but not really. 2. She lactates, I guess that happens when you have a kid less then 5 months ago.... WTF!! 3. Is it fucked up I'm craving Ceral & Milk now?
1) break up with him. 2) feel bad. 3) fuck some other guy. 4) feel better. Boom! Life plan. You're welcome.
I don't get a "my roommate is fucking you" discount?!
I was looking at your nipple and it made me think of you
Well I hope so...
Randomize
