i jus seen this fat chick walk buy look like she had don king coming out her arm pits..
Memory from last night that just came back: me forcibly jacking him off while he yelled I DONT LIKE HANDJOBS I DONT LIKE HANDJOBS
Dude, I found out the hard way that she wipes back to front. I ate her out and had to throw up.
Her underwear doesnt even match. If youre going to be a face book whore at least have matching shit.
are you just going to ignore any texts involving my penis from now on? because thats going to shut down a pretty sizeable portion of our conversations.
An there's a little girl across the bar eating Mac n cheese... #1 she won't stop looking at me. Boo bitch I'm drinking alone. #2 I'm about to tackle her ass for that Mac n cheese.
He tried to finger me at Disneyland! He tried to taint the happiest place on earth!
I want to die. Marc and I were making out in the hallway and fell into a fire hose in a glass case. It shattered everywhere. Everyone thought we fell out a window. I think I have glass in my back. Awesome.
Its like the two hemispheres of my brain are in a death match but are two evenly matched for either side to win kinda drunk.
We woke up in the room with a hamburger patty on the bed side table, one bun across the room, and the other bun under my pillow. Still don't know who ordered room service.
I made out with a dude last night who has an ex wife. Is this what post grad life is about?
He wins the giant teddy bear for getting the neuva ring on the dick
So my mom wants to hear about my weekend. How do I make licking cupcake frosting off your face while high not sound like just that?
you bounced a quarter off my butt and it came back hitting you in the eye. karma, bitch.
So she was amazing, that's what. Idk if it was the blow or the blowjob, but both my heads are still tingling.
Randomize
