so Mike and I made a deal. we'd do anal if he would help me pick out carpet tomorrow.
What...you let him do that?
It wasnt that bad. the two minutes it took is nothing compared to the 10 hr day I have planned for him tomorrow
He DELETED brick breaker off his blackberry why even bother trying to find something in common?
Being this Hungover on Easter has brought my closer to Jesus... I swear he had to feel shitty like this after coming back from the dead
some drunk guy just paid $3 for each cig that i picked up off the ground. the cigs that he threw on the ground. I might just follow him the rest of the night
He yelled out my full name in bed...I felt like I was being scolded.
If a "boob" guy and an "ass" guy are discussing which you are better qualified for....just let them
I put an asterick after the names of people in my phone that I've fucked. Both as a form of bragging, and also so I can actually remember all their names.
You're right. Single life welcomed me back with open arms. It's like it knew it wasnt going to be long when I left.
At least I will not still be rolling when I pick up this animal. Thats a good development in five years
Great news! In less than 2 hours, I'm ripping your underwear off with my teeth!
Dude. Went to buy some jack and sailor Jerry, when the guy at the counter realized it was my birthday everybody in the store including the stoners and the elderly sang to me. Then they gave me shots of moonshine. 21st bday was a success
All I know is I woke up with his business card in my bra and in my handwriting on the back it says 8 inch.
No seriously, I don't care if you just sucked God's dick. I have had a better Fat Tuesday than you
If she "comes out" to me I guess I'll high five her. That's pretty much my response to everything these days.
Oh, the accent alone guaranteed a bj. It was when he started drunkenly singing in PERFECT PITCH that I knew I was fucking him.
Randomize
