so i had a choice between studying for my physics test on fluid dynamics or spend the night with my girlfriend. hello doubletasking.
I need to get the stench of sex and broken dreams out of my room
I told you it's awful. It looks like he was eating honey at a barbershop and tripped.
I head back to the dorms in less than a week I'm not ready to see my roomate naked that much again.
Just remember that she is a giant dick-sucking forehead and you are better than that.
All I remember is you introducing yourself to the entire basketball team using the line "I'll show you a slam dunk."
We ran out of ice cubes so I used ice cream. Everyone thought that was the plan all along. I just went with it.
You really realize what your life's become when you're sitting alone in the house crying in a santa hat and pjs getting stoned on christmas eve before noon.
In his defense he just bought a bong like a week ago so he's still in that honeymoon phase.
So the next three days will be henceforth known as the 'celebration of the end of the most irresponsible years of my life' be prepared to wake up naked in a ditch.
He brought me Plan B in the snowstorm.
A+ 👏🏼
I accidentally mass texted his dick pic. Not only to my friends, but to my dad as well...
This is the best thing we've done since that time we started a religion
It was a "have 911 on speed dial" kinda night
You fell while talking to a cop, then proceeded to acuse him of tripping you... he was arresting you for public intox.
Randomize
