She is making me post-sex grilled cheese at 2 am wearing only shorts and cowboy boots. I am so in love
Just saw a girl in a wheelchair puke then rally. Diversity matters.
Well, they emptied out the keg by the third kegstand for America.
I saw you eating fruit and doing shots off people passed out
also bought condoms to give away to people who look like they're about to make a bad halloween decision. I'm like a fairy.
I need to shower, but I have no shower curtain... I think I can get by with a whore bath and a hat for one more day.
If you do wifi you would be helping my penis out & real friends care about their friends penises...
I think it says something about my life when I start picking up girls while im in rehab. And I don't think it's good.
you texted him "it's time for the no pants dance", please get your tubes tied.
drying my bra with a hair dryer wasn't exactly how I had planned on starting my day.
I'm gonna play eenie meenie at the bar tonight because it's women's day and I deserve the dick
Please tell me I didn't send you a dick pic in the middle of Peter Pan..
All I remember is pissing by the garage and the next thing I know I'm on fire
just so you know. the medical term for period cramps is mettelschmerz.
glad to know something that causes such misery in my life has such a laughable name.
This should be illegal
It is
I mean more illegal... I shouldn't have this
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