I'm afraid we're only dating because we're too lazy to look for anyone else.
high people should be assigned attendants
Let's just say there's a reason that "suede" rhymes with "laid".
I am so hungover and cant move but craving a Wendys frosty so bad. I might have to watch 2 girls 1 cup just to settle the urge
U shoulda just taken her to a stall and banged her and let me watch the game. Some friend u r.
Woke up with string cheese braided into my hair- literally braided
May or may not be going home with my jamitor. i'm kiddong, btw, i have no idea. i'll let you know soooon.
You are number one in my heart. But in the dick Olympics you're disqualified.
Well he walked in last night, yelled at me for not playing any music and started dancing.
If I shaved my pubic hair into a heart for valentine's day how much would you judge me?
If you keep giving me that glorious dick ill bake you some cookies
I woke up cuddling a ham. That's not a euphemism. I actually slept with an entire ham.
I drank a fishbowl of liquor and next thing I know I'm sliding into Zach Galifinakis' DMs
Bro, it was an EPIC night once again last night. I’m so sorry that you saw me naked.
so how about you dont randomly call my mother during parties?
Randomize
