Ugh I just know that when I take off his pants his underwear will have Megan's Law written all over them.
Update: no underwear. Greeeeen light.
turns out the guy i was dating because he was a cop was not actually a cop. i learned this as he got arrested by real cops.
After watching Cinemax for a few months, real porn just grosses me out.
i want to find a way to basically assault his face with my vagina.
I'll see ya tonight at your house...and I'm bringing you a special treat that starts with a V and ends with us eventually going to rehab one day.
Dude, you chugged an entire bottle of tomato sauce and got us free drinks for the night. No way was I gonna stop you.
He and I are basically the same person, except he has a glorious penis and I have glorious breasts.
Embrace your curves. Cuz we're too poor for a coke habit.
It is completely possible to eat beef jerky sexually.
So I'm going to regale you with a tale of someone who went out, was fed way to many shots, got super wasted and now has a date with one of the security guards from the building but has no idea what his name is. That someone is me
She pinched my nipples out of nowhere as I was about to come... I think I found god
I threw up in a flower pot outside the bar last night and have a date tonight....I think I missed something
What shade of lipstick clearly states, I'm only attending this wedding for the drugs and groomsmen?
For real his Facebook page says he studied "sexual arts" at some random college I've never heard of. You've been warned.
Ok here's the plan: birth control, KFC, handcuffs.
Randomize
