he texted me telling him i gave him the clap. but i think he gave it to me and i gave it back to him
he had the kids march single file in front of us on the way home so they didn't have to watch him pulling me passed out in their wagon...
Using a joint as a bookmark. What is my life?
My puffy vagina and I are on the way to the doctor to see what your mutant penis did to us THANKS A LOT
Did you leave ur panties in the sink?
Kitchen or bathroom?
We might as well just set our livers out to sea on burning ships
im mad at you for telling me he ejaculated during "let it go." Thanks for ruining the song forever.
Seeking encouragement from my tinder matches to ace this test. I've sunk to a newest low.
The lowest point of my life has been reached. I just drank half a jar of pasta sauce.
Ask me if I'm sitting naked in a lawn chair eating a block of cheese waiting for a bacon grilled cheese sandwich
video games take priority over anything else you can offer me.
So, I'm either with my future life partner or my future life taker. And his brother. lol. I'll let you know when I get home alive.
Such a big mess for such a small penis
I asked him if we were exclusive and he followed up with, "If a tree falls in the woods and no ones around, does it still make a sound?" Wtf am I supposed to do with that?!
Not going to make it tonight. Some cougar at the bar just told me she has dibs on my dick.
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