Were we dating when my roommates and I had the 'everyone gets laid' part?
Ya
I used to kick so much ass
Dude, this chick just tossed my salad hard. All that I could picture was a dog trying to get the last of the peanut butter out of the jar of Jiff and trying not to think of how grotesque my last dump was.
Then she tried to kiss me and I wouldn't and she got pissed off and went to sleep. Then about an hour later, her kid called her. She went home and on the way out I told her to wash her mouth before she kissed her kid good night. Weird night..
Note to self. Condoms are not microwavable.
Apparently last night I sat at the bar with an upside down sharpie lightning bolt on my forehead, yelling "It's Harry Potter's birthday! Let me be on the qudditch team!" And I kept calling the bartender Dobby. There are videos.
i feel like an archaelogyst. im pulling apart last weeks brownies to find the weed in them
when she asked me if it was possible to swim under north america i knew it was time to leave.
i hope someone procrastinates by putting up the pics up...
sarah said she can't even post all of hers due to facebook indecency rules
He's socially awkward. He has a big dick. We've had this talk before, they're socially awkward because they don't leave the house they just sit home and play with it.
Drunk. But sober enough to know I hate gymnastics.
I was just trying to flirt with James Franco but she kept telling me to take shots out of Ron Burgundy's mouth
HE LITERALLY JUST PEED IN MY ROOM IDK WHAT TO DO HELP
Like, defending PBR and Bio Dome consumes a lot of my time.
I don’t know if I’m nauseous or just disgusted with myself.
Just stalked the girl I hooked up with last night's boyfriend. He seems nice, I approve.
imagine the bill from school house rock beating the shit outta you
Randomize
