I stayed up for an hour trying to make my room stop spinning and then I realized it was bc my fan was on
Once again there IS no outside bathroom. Never has been, that is the balcony
I dont think yelling "Grab your dicks, time for pics!" helped your case either.
it's too soon in the relationship to think about him when i masturbate. so i think about his dad instead.
It'll be just me and my penis against the world.
At one point I went looking for you and found you handcuffed to a chair. I'm pretty sure you handcuffed yourself. I don't know how you got there.
you are my patron saint of "too drunk for 9am". i just keep asking myself what would alyssa do as i try to regain motor function
I was so exhausted I thought about using my deep throat spray to stop my coughing.
i'm sad to say... seems like women around here set up their armageddon booty calls ahead of time. wanna fill all these condoms with tequila and head downtown???
Vom Wallet is no more. We now boldly enter a responsible, adult era where we will not throw up liquor onto ourselves.
You climbed on top of the bar, shotgunned a 25oz fosters and screamed, Steve Irwin was a God amongst men.
He asked me if my princess crown was real and before I could say yes, he was already reaching to put it on. I'm pretending I'm asleep if he tries to have sex.
If there is a heaven, that's what it will be. Bagel Bites and cunnilingus.
I'm sober now, I ate a whole cantaloupe.
kind of bad when u call a cop an asshole for driving you home from the bar
Randomize
