You're only the seventh guy she's ever kissed. Somesones gunna get EPICALLY stalked
I should have been more specific when I asked for 8 inches.
You tried to get the stranger on the sea bus to give you a bite of his chicken sub by repeating over and over "im in a girl band"
He fell and asked for a beer and a band-aid.
HE GOT FOURTEEN STICHES
She's in the middle of blacking out but is singing Mariah carey songs. Hitting every note.
ambylanc
what?
there was an amgbulance. iw ish i was in it.
captain&coke to the library. STAT. this is an emergency. this is not a drill. I repeat: THIS IS NOT A DRILL.
i wasn't gonna shower then i remembered i slept in my own piss
No, listening to the fray and drinking a bottle of jack daniels does not count as counseling
Listening to Whitney Houston sing the National Anthem while I shit before going out tonight. America.
We played alot of beer pong and ventured into the woods with tiki torches
The highlight was when a stranger was nose to nose with you threatening to kick ur ass, and you said "Is that your real face? Stopped him dead.
Watching the blind side bc I need a good cry to make sure I'm still human after this weekend's questionable life choices
if you come you're not allowed to wear pants. if you arrive wearing pants you won't be wearing them long.
I smell Vodka. It's me. If anyone asks it's totally hand sanitizer.
Randomize
