If no ones going to say it, then I will. Vanessa Hudgens boobs are weird looking
From inside my college history class i see him waving his arms while holding a beer bong trying to get my attention
Dude, I just spun my iPhone on my boner without it falling off. I belong in cirque du soleil.
I woke up to him climbing naked through my bedroom window with a bottle of jd in his hand. Of course I had sex with him.
u kept pointing at random guys and making quacking or mooing sounds.
LSHMSFOAIDMT = laughing so hard my sombrero falls off and I drop my taco.
After some trial and error I found soaking my balls in maple syurip helps ease the pain.
He told me the color of his piss. Worst. First date. Ever.
I was jumping over your garbage can screaming "Im a snow cat!!" ..Who wouldn't want to see that?
I could just tape a camera with a live feed to my head & you could check in on me from time to time
that's the first time I've heard "shenanigans" and "apocalypse" in the same sentence
Your friend gave me you're number. I was the guy locked behind the book shelf.
I think you have the wrong number, but I hope you escaped your library-prison?
Isis wins if we don't have the loudest, kinkiest sex in every part of my house tomorrow
I'm wearing a fleece onesie eating pop tarts on the train to work. Killing it.
She abandoned me on the doorstep of her hostel. Turns out you can't bring one night stands into those places. Slept in a train station next to a tramp. He gave me chips. And didn't steal my shit while I slept. So I'm counting this one as a win
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