hows a nice way to say "yeah i would go to your dorm, but it's snowing and I know you're not going to blow me, so what's the point"?
I like how the only thing you spelled correctly is "i'm tequila"
After what u did to that bathroom I think the $30 and the "sorry I'm a jackass" note was the thing to do.
Is it appropriate to put "Mommy and Daddys shitfaced-ness that led to Aubrey" on a birth announcement?
Well you two just had a kid in the middle of college, I dont think anyone will notice.
Thanks bro
I can't be 100% sure of this but I think tonight was the first time I told a middle aged woman holding a baby to go fuck herself
That was obviously his first time talking dirty. He called my vagina "pretty"
How did you not realize the handbrakes were stuck?
I thought I was just out of shape.
I can't remember dinner
Hahaha "rub in the ketchup on your face, It'll just look like blush." some gay waiter said that to you, and you go "good idea!"
Can we go one day without you telling me that your dick misses me
It was marvelous. I was drunkenly conversing with my professor in some of the best Spanish I've ever spoken.
idk i just feel really unsatisfied. like something's missing from my life... maybe it's chicken nuggets...
It was a recodring of you having sex ! It was like an ape and a dying mongoose at a buffet Xoxoxo
He saw me naked after our first date and still asked for a second.. so I think we’re doing good
I'm drunkenly throwing popcorn at a spider, fuck him. Why does his scary 8 legs get to be happy?
You're an adult now and it's your vagina. You should do what it or you wants.
Randomize
