Forgive me I'm always horny when I wake up
I'm not working tomorrow. need to take advantage of the last opportunity for weeks of morning sex.
Jason Williams (yeah the ex-nets center...) drunkenly told me that, while drinking, I should take an ambien and a cialis before i go home...that will "give me a 25 minute window to have sex and then goto sleep before the bitch starts bothering me"....
either i blacked out mid-sex but remember the beginning and end, or he really only lasted a couple of minutes
So I think his penis grew over the weekend. Is that possible or does absence make the dick grow longer?
I guess I just got drunk and ordered a mini fridge off the internet. At least now I know the 200$ that was missing from my checking account wasn't spent on lap dances only.
I rolled out of the car, crawled on all fours to the door, did somersaults all the way to my room, and then I ran across the parking lot to tell our neighbor you wanted to bang him. I'm not even sure if it was the right guy.
Just me. You're probably having sex with her right now, so here's a reminder that you should be thinking of me per our agreement.
So I paid for the taxi using pennies and hair clips, no need to thank me.
Really? I thought your parents stopped loving you when you drunkenly fell through the ceiling...
Like he held up the condom afterwards, twirled it with his finger, and said "look at that load"
New life goal: fuck in the shopping cart
The NSA quit spying on phones. I'm sending you SO MANY dick pics.
You're right. Cause really... I'm in the back of his head. Even though what I said was better than "I have herpes"... I did once say that to him. So I'm like a reoccurring nightmare.
Family acid trip. They're welcoming me into the family.
What. The. Fuck.
Family acid trip.
Randomize
