dude you need to get laid
me?
no, the other guy who hasn't been laid in 7 months
oh I thought you were talkin about me
wait
Apparently someone switched my cash for monopoly money after midnight so I couldn't get any more drinks at the bar
hes like my own personal sex toy i use him on the weekends and then i have the option to put him away all week
I dont care if he cant spell. Illiterate people need blowjobs too
Her name means "flower that enlarges and gives birth." There is no way she isn't getting knocked up
Haha, apparently they frown upon male strippers there. Bouncers couldn't catch me tho.
Have the decency to NOT HANG YOU'RE USED CONDOM ON THE FOOSEBALL HANDLES! Dickhead.
at first i was on the bathroom floor cuz i was hungover. now im just here because it is cool
I woke up with a stapler in my ass. Don't even complain to me.
That's not as bad as watching a dumb ass drunk peeing into your window fan -
I don't know how that blunt survived being in your pocket all night but you pulled it out at 4 am in 7/11 and tried to fire it up. Zero fucks given
He's drinking on a hospital bracelet, the fuck's your excuse?
So unofficially, he told me he deleted tinder because of me. I think that's a pretty romantic gesture in 2018.
If I ever say "I'm never drinking again" just hand me a bottle of jack. I'll snap out of it.
Best night if my life? Time I got eaten out in the backseat of a M5 while eating White Castle. Then he fucked me. Perfect
Randomize
