Wish i knew that 10 minutes ago when i told him to dance with my blackberry while i got another drink
so i'm just gonna leave my credit card in your mailbox so you can bail me outta jail.. deal?
we're taking a shot everytime we receive a "Happy Thanksgiving!!!!!" mass text. up to 7 since 10am. God help us.
I walked into the bathroom and the toilet was on fire... I stood there for like a minute trying to decide whether I should put it out or get my camera.
I should never bitch about not getting laid. He's begging me to come over and I'm saying no because I'm watching a Golden Girls marathon.
its like national bring your ginger to the pool day or something
the pic of her and her boyfriend fell off the wall as we were fucking.
We should celebrate the resignation of Berlusconi tonight with too many bottles of wine and sambuca. We're allies, right?
My dad and I just got asked if "we wanted a more intimate setting for our date". The world is coming to an end.
Well I sent him a pic of my vagina and sent back a pic of his puppy....so there's that
I'm sooo hungover. I fell asleep on top of a car in a parking lot last night. New one to add to the list.
That moment when I wear the same thing I did to a motel nooner to my family's Christmas party... Ho Hoety Ho bitches
But what I'm actually thinking about is how everyone except me had sex on my bed this weekend and now I'm just sleeping in it with a 7 foot tall blue panda
He went down on me for an hour and a half. He needs to get promoted more often.
Looking back at our past texts, the minute it turned 2020 you were cleaning your house and I was dying of the cold. We were prophesying the Rona.
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