at some point to night u and I have a 'meeting' too...(1-737): I hope so
Someone took a freaking dump on a roll of toilet paper. Next to the toilet. No shit in the toilet. Just on the roll of toilet paper.
As a pleasant surprise..I woke to find a Burrito and Bottle of Gatorade .....Merry XMAS to ME
Word of advice, don't put your jar if peanut butter in the microwave, blue fire comes out
We used a snorkel as a funnel. Can you say desperate?
Had a crazy moment last night. Had to get up, run to bathroom, pop 3 Xanax, sit on bathroom floor and rock myself in fetal position. Not my best moment.
I no longer exist. I have transformed into a puddle of sex.
I found out my butt plug has a metal core at the airport security checkpoint...
My "lord keep me from stabbing a bitch" prayer has gotten a lot of miles today
I had a rough night. I'm just gonna lay here and masturbate for a while before I have to go adult.
If not, I can murder my liver twice...it's like a cat, it has 9 lives
I just saw your mom take a body shot off an undergrad, please tell me you're somewhere near by.
sober me needs to have more faith in drunk me.
I'm cuddly bitch. Deal with it.
The neighbor just poured gasoline on his 2 brush fires and proceeded to shoot Roman candles at them 🤔
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