then for some reason i googled "how much to buy a cannon"
the girl sitting next to me in class is using her birth control box as a ruler
stranger just walked up to the fridge at the party, took the hawaiin punch out, drank it straight from the bottle, looked at everyone who stared in awe and said "im fucking thirsty" and put it back.
He plays me like an instrument...he is the Carlos Santana of my vagina.
He posted a picture of my bra on facebook with the caption "I don't know who I hooked up with last night but if this is yours please come pick it up".
You told the waitress last night "What tip bracket do I have to be in to see your boobs"
remember to ask your mom about the name of her pet duck so we can name the bowl
was this before of after we tobbganned into that tree?
just had a memory of me telling homeless mark that it was the year of the bunny and he said "you da bunny, girl"
dude, you cant keep using "she roofied me" as an excuse to bang all these fat chicks
WHY AM I BEING COCKBLOCKED BY A KID PLAYING HAVA NAGILA ON THE SAXAPHONE
Was it high me or sober me who put those Jolly Rancher sticks in the freezer? I'd be soooo impressed if it was high me.
Dude. Cab ride home consisted of me making out with an Asian girl sitting next to my Dad
I was his one phone call from jail and I hung up on him. He's fine though were gonna go to a party now.
There should be a Doritos delivery van or something.
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