If you could channel this insane talent for stalking you'd be a great weapon for this country. If you had a crush on Bin Ladin, guaranteed he'd be found, monitered and tagged within five days.
i'm going to be honest, my vagina smells.
do you think they make "congratulations unfit mother" greeting cards?
or abortion recommendation cards.
Let's roleplay tonight. I'll be drunken diva and you be sexy sober.
IF that's your way of making me dd then count me out.
I just cleaned your Jaeger vomit off my car with a knife. Don't ever say I don't love you.
I say we start a new tradition. I came up with it all by myself. It's called work out, lay out, black out
I can't relate, I like my boobs roaming free like a wild animal, and I occasionally let them devour small children
After sex he cried I didn't know what to do so I patted him on the back and went to the kitchen to make waffles
Sex and sushi don't even sound good right now... I might be on my death bed. To my Liz, I leave my extensive movie collection and my drinking supplies. To Olive I leave my car. Cause every Scottish terrier needs a 2010 Camaro.
Next time a random bus filled with santas pulls up to the bar, I'm not getting on it.
Someone just asked me why I drink so much. Im gonna slap a bitch
But he's super into Jesus and I'm the devil. So we weren't meant to be
2015 is the year I FINALLY ALMOST had enough dick to satisfy me.
Since moving to the suburbs, all I do is fuck my ex and watch cartoons. It's not so bad.
Highlight your past hook-ups. You've been stabbed, shot at, run over, and chased down the road...no you can't bring new bar bitch over here!
Dude she has a friend!!!!
Randomize
