Who said anything about talking that was a booty call
I can hear the grilled cheese talking to me. "Let me in there!" they wanna get inside me
Omg. Just talked to a semi driver from nebraska. Got her truck stuck. Gave her and her riding buddy a glass of vodka and a cig. YES.
My history with restaurant waiters is severely limiting our dinner options.
adderall flavored popcorn. yes we did it and its awesome
woke up in nothing but a glued-on tiger tail. they used super glue.
I could write a book on how to barely get by in community college. I just took an online quiz on my phone, at the bar, 6 minutes before it was due.
We got jeff a deep fryer for his bday. So far the count is two potatoes and your iPod.
I don't think I'd trust a marching band with trampolines to not cause serious damage to themselves/ property.
And then he said he would build me a mountain dew water fountain
Marry him now.
Don't remember anything. Melissa just said I kept saying welcome to the bat cave
He made a deal with his real estate agent called fucking in 50 properties for sale
His idea of a night out is drinking beer in the driveway. He's been on house arrest too long
So he cheated on his gf again. For the third time. Second time with me. HE CRIED WHILE DRIVING ME HOME BECAUSE HE CHEATED ON HER. And I laughed the entire way. Good god I'm an asshole.
Sitting beside a stoned cat on the kitchen floor eating cheesecake with my hands...just a struggle
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