We could sell used underwear with pictures of us wearing them.
We sat in your minivan all night in a parking lot pretending we were in the magic school bus going to the sun
like the penis drawn on my face is so detailed and well done, i'm not even upset about it.
you're not a real person. you're actually just like a box of wine that can talk
I'm sorry. But when a stripper driving a Bentley tells me I have potential..... I gotta at least listen to her proposal. God did not mean for me to waste these tits on law school.
That penis will go down in history. It's the Helen of Troy of dicks. I will conquer it and the tale will live on for future generations to learn from
it wasn't sex so much as.....a disastrously uncomfortable sexual experience
Broeke and glass. I feel so and. Appilogixe in morbing.
Boobs are out for the taking
I rubbed his back while he puked for an hour and then ended up getting laid when I tried to put him to bed, best puke and rally I've ever seen.
best eviction party ever.
it wasn't an eviction party you asshole, you just happened to get yourself evicted during the party.
The magician guy on probation is here at the bar. I'm gonna get him to show me a trick
...its technically supposed to be for the bridal shower but I think I can find an ensemble that says "im hopped up on x. Stick your tongue down my throat." As well as " im supporting your marriage to my brother"
I think I'm just going to get a farm, a vibrater, and a lot of wine.
Woke up way too warm in the middle of a spooning sandwich. Was working up a rant about still not wanting a threesome. Then I realized the littlest spoon was the dog. Might need to break up anyway.
Randomize
