Tittie bar + Mother In law gone = mission accomplished.
apparently i walked up to the counter, put $30 worth of snacks next to this girl, and went 'uhh i have no money'
just walked by a lingerie store, the sign out front, "Specials for Father's Day", in no way is that just not wrong.
Apparently throwing up on his dick didnt convince him to stay away . . . whats the most indirect way of saying "im just going to continue avoiding you"?
did you hook up at the wedding?
No but I jerked off on the hotel sheets. I wanted to get my moneys worth.
his cum tasted like old pizza and looked like old milk
I mean. If you don't have time I understand, but my dick doesn't.
she's telling me all about the love triangles of her sims. you tell me how it's going.
either i blacked out mid-sex but remember the beginning and end, or he really only lasted a couple of minutes
she keeps giving me cups of everbeer.. its everclear and beer mixed. i guess its blackout or backout time
He said he wouldn't use a condom because he didn't want to kill anymore trees.
The nurse who basically saved my life just came into the store. Didn't recognize her. Awwwwkward.
It's fun yes. But hard on the body. I woke up with her purse, socks and one of her shoes in my room. The other shoe was outside. What the fuck were we doing last night?
This couch is so comfortable I can tell if it's like a waterbed or I pissed myself
Sorry you saw me having sex with your brother on the beach
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