dude i feel like shit
well u did eat a lot of play-doh
It was like the Ritz Carlton of jails. I got introduced to our criminal system the right way.
So then the officer asked you how you were getting home and you told him "very carefully"
I dont think that drinking by ourselves on a saturday night counts as being "fun alcoholics"
i knew it was going to be a good night when i was bleeding, licked it and it tasted like miller light
The woman exiting the men's room tried convincing me she was actually a good-looking man.
the meat mosque collapsed into the alcohol moat
All I heard was "I swear it'll be funny" and then we were in jail.
THERE IS PRACTICALLY A BEER FUCKING WATERFALL
She literally just puked and rallied AT HER OWN WEDDING. Welcome to White Trash town, America.
she left with her roommate. or at least i think she did. but i also just thought i ate candy corn but i'm hal convinced it was candle wax.
I forgot I did whipits. Probably because my brain cells were killed from the whipits
This morning was so rough I can't even. I was cutting up vegetables for my omelet on the floor. THE FLOOR. I sat on the floor because I felt like I was gonna vom.
sitting in the prison waiting room in my boyfriends clothes. looooong story.
It's obvious you're hotter. You've been doing a married guy for almost 2 years.
Randomize
