Why does it always sting when I'm breaking the seal taking a piss?
b/c u have herpes
No i said "always", not "since 2003" Asshole.
WAKE UP. GET ME THE PILL. AND SAVE MY LIFE
Tbell employee was shuffling through my bag, calling off each item i ordered to make sure it was all there. I stopped him halfway through with "guy, don't worry, I'm high as shit, I'll eat anything."
We have nothing in common but the sex rocks, would it be awful to develop a drug habit just to have a topic of conversation?
My water bill is like twice the normal amount. I need a boyfriend.
Do I even want to know?
I'm still not sure if it was intentional, but the chiropractor definitely cradled his balls on my shoulder. He even seemed to adjust the sack for comfort. I think I should be flattered. He is a doctor, after all..
would you say our friendship is at the "help each other shave animal patterns in each other's pubes" phase?
No, that was the night I helicoptered my dick to oncoming traffic. Im talking about the night I ran naked down the street.
Going to jail was so much more fun than I thought it would be. I feel like I walked away with more than just a bomb-ass mugshot, I feel like I made some life long friends.
Celebratory bar crawl?
Did you really just call a picture of your erect penis art?
That's the only way to get approved without a guarantor.
WHAT DOES THAT MEAN WHAT FUCKING LANGUAGE ARE YOU SPEAKING
Text me later if you aren't dead and wanna have a drink later
Hmmm, well all I'm saying is don't do anything too irrational because you miss him and are blinded by his large penis.
Wow i just puked in front of the lady that was drug testing me. I passed though!
I just remembered something from last night. check your closet.
Randomize
