It doesn't matter if they shave you or not, you're still susceptible to the staph infection.
I just saw a Kleenex commercial and thought about last night. I'm sorry about your hair.
She was adopted and used to dance at Sapphire. just my speed.
You're just telling me nice things because you came in my eye.
sometimes i wish i was a boob, they get to chill in soft and cuddly little cup things.
Looks like a significant portion of my drinking money just became legal fees.
They get 5 minutes to wear their speedos at the wedding
Oh my god I'll have to be really drunk for that
Oh you have a half-brother? Why that's right up my alley! Let's cause family strife
Tearing families apart since 2011.
When one is stoned and browsing online dating profiles all men sound like serial killers.
Dave when you find that upper decker at your house its from me but its for Jill not you
It was like being run over by an orgasm freight train.
you asked the cab driver if he wanted to meet your parents, last night.
And how about the fact that the first time i really truly looked at a guy's dick was in my car. MY CAR. GODDAMNIT!!!
Mmm vodka always tastes better when i know i have work at 8am
Not even a manhunt keeps my brother and his friends from the bars
Randomize
