Guess what I'm doing tomorrow?
Becoming a productive member of society?
Sam. Come on.
He was singing "i gotta feeling" under his breath as i was pulling my top off.
thanks for at least making it out of the pool before you threw up
Trying to figure out which chair my head was under last night
As an added realisation of today. If we used the last time I got laid as a conceiving date I would have a two week old baby. It's been too long...
SORRY BITCH CAN'T, TAKING SHOTS TO WHITNEY HOUSTON.
I just don't fit in here. The other wives are ten years older and have kids!
Well, you chose trophy wife of a 35 year old over college. Sit in your suburban soup and stew.
at least I have the sex noises of his roommate to entertain me while I wait for him to wake up
Come over. We're getting stoned and watching DogTV
I consider any night I don't make out with someone a bad night. So I've been great.
Grandpa just put 6 jello shots on his plate. My aunt tried to take them away; he flipped her off. Living in the retirement home has hardened him.
He finally left. I didn't introduce him to the roommate. The sex is bad. I don't want him to feel welcome
To be honest, the last time I saw him he had a jesus costume on telling people to pray to his bible.
So he's at the chuch?
No, hooters.
I'm still trying to figure out who shit on the coffee table. I have confirmed beyond a reasonable doubt that it wasn't me.
Got caught up in a real life love triangle. Both guys wanted me. I'm tempted to just run off with the cute girl from McDonalds instead
Please do that
Randomize
