I don't know how I got that girl last night. I feel like seal right now sans the scars
He was from Iceland of course I didnt sleep with him, havent you seen Mighty Ducks 2???
We did naked snow angels in 14 degree weather, you can't tell me you had more liquor at that party
I found him with a guitar and his kitten in his room. He was singing a song he'd titled "you're a cat". Guess what most of the lyrics were...
She looked at my cock with a kind of resigned disappointment.
you reached into a lemon drop to pull out a lemon of someone else's drink..
I like to take my ritalin one pill at a time with each pill spaced out a couple minutes so I feel like I'm going super saiyan when they kick in.
Please. I don't care how shitty his fake life story was. As horny as I was I just wanted the prettiest man possible in case I accidentally got pregnant. He had blue eyes.
You have my approval. I will dance and throw skittles at your funeral.
It was one of the greatest weekends of my life. And that's even after factoring in spraying myself in the face with the bidet.
I will now send you explicit pics of mine and her genetalia bound together forever in the devils dance that is sexting.
Dude I'm at a bar, and there's this Elvis impersonator here that I went to rehab with. Apparently Elvis has left the wagon.
I SWEAR TO GOD IF SHE FUCKS WITH OUR GOLD GENE POOL
He was having this drunk emotional breakdown and I was just trying to cheer him up but instead fell and dumped the whole pickle jar on me
It was cool though because he was fine afterwards and somehow I convinced them I did it on purpose...
I just need to find someone whose kink is financial submission.
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