I just woke up and i'm wearing a cape and it says sup slut on my ass
You and your empty threats of no sex. Like.u.cud.hold.out.
He told me he had more lines than a plaid shirt
just found my diary from when i was 14. i demand a drinking game of this.
we're havin a 400 loko party for joe pa's 400th win. come get loko
Its ok we found him,,, He is in the bathroom trying to write his life story on a roll of toilet paper.
Does peppermint hummus sound good or am I just high?
The important thing is not that we avoid making mistakes, but that we avoid learning from them.
Like do you hear me I PUKED IN MY OWN HANDS AND HE STILL SAID I WAS GORGEOUS
Do you understand how hard it is to go down on a guy underwater? Didn't think so....
Do you think accidently including this month's Credit Card statement in my application will keep me from getting into grad school?
Depends ... when did you purchase your vibrator?
it's like that moment that you're driving and realize you're lost except instead of driving i'm just sitting here in my living room drunk, eating a plate of sausages, drinking red wine and just thinking "i'm going to be 28 this year. i know people who are married, with beautiful and well behaved children. where was the wrong turn?"
Do you guys think there will be a coke-for-Molly barder at bonnaroo?
She has no problem going ass to mouth, but won't eat the pizza crust. I don't get it.
My weirdest encounter with a stranger though was when for some reason they just gave me a box of unopened socks. Needless to say, I never used them.
Randomize
