I bet when she looks at herself in the mirror she wishes brown paper bags were in fashion.
Literally getting boned by my flask right now. I didn't really think about this whole sneaking past security in a skin tight dress.
This is to remind you the pizza is in the dishwasher birthday boy eat it before it goes on
Apparently we both projectiled on Erin at the same time.
That's some true roommate bonding right there.
Whoever I saved in my phone as "Jackpot" last night has your keys.
After a couple hours you decided you were going to walk home but ten minutes later you called and said you'd puked by the side of the road and you needed us to drive you to the art museum.
I just want to be like i dont know you but ive seen your penis & i like it
I'm sure nobody at Walmart was wondering why I was wearing a glittery tutu and needed $300 changed into small bills
But seriously I might need help getting spray paint off of my body.... But don't worry about the penis I scrubbed him already
Worst way to find out I have a half sister
I hooked up with a guy named Quan.. I literally hit the Quan
If he refers to me as slump buster one more fucking time.
IS NO AN EMOTION BECAUSE THAT'S WHAT I'M FEELING RIGHT NOW
I JUST AGREED TO GO TO A CHILD'S BIRTHDAY PARTY AT A PLACE CALLED PUZZLE'S FUN DOME WHY DO I HATE MYSELF
Every day I wake up and there is no spectacular morning wood waiting for me I get so sad.
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