I'm not a mortal combat character
but my vagina is
Jon just got arrested by the quesadilla police
What?!?
What I actually meant, is I had a quesadilla, and Jon got arrested by the real police
dude i woke up to 20 missed calls from you, 3 from a blocked number and had 13 voicemails that all said "send me a picture of your tits."
so im guessing thats a no.....
im six kinds of drunk right now
its like the voldemort of pregnancies, we don't talk about it
The only thing I can remember you saying is "I won't cut pizza like this when I'm older."
5 am booty call.. And I went I need to gain better control of my vagina
dude a monday night stripper made you motorboat her. you should get that checked out
No, i will not have sex with him again. It felt like he was trying to bulldoze his way through me. My vagina is on strike.
Just got walked in on while fucking in the lounge in the performing arts building. The janitors gave us five minutes to leave and applauded our exit
Was behind a guy going 20 for 4 miles I'll be there as soon as the universe quits fucking me
It might have taken me 30 minutes but I finally finished the toast I made. That hungover.
She told me that for every Ravens touchdown, I'd get to come once.
Marry her. Marry her now. I'll help you steal the ring.
I'm trying to seductively eat these M&M's to let her know its on
I should probably add her on Facebook for as much as I cheat off her in Physics, huh?
Randomize
