I just claimed my unemployment in Vegas. This seems wrong.
What's he like?
The usual. Sarcastic, dark, full of fucked up emotional problems that result in fantastic sexual prowess.
Well anything after a French guy would have been a disappointment. But I'm fairly certain he was just trying to masturbate into me.
It was fine until he came back to my place, grabbed a beer, HIGH-FIVED me, and left.
Sit down my child. It's time you were told of my famous loss-of-virginity story entitled, "The Penis that Never Could."
Well be careful man. Be careful. Wear shoes in the house. Safety. Safety first, then teamwork.
So because I got upset you didn't answer I threw my phone in the garbage disposal last night
my cat just photo bombed my nudie.. does this qualify me as a cat lady?
It's disgusting. He breathes through his mouth and just sounds fat. Plus he chews all loud and shit.
he said "be careful" then handed me a cheezit...
woke up to a case of keystone on my porch when I went to bed at seven that morning.. I think it's someone's peace offering for getting my roommates car towed
We started off talking about nice cuddling and you turned it into fucking with a Santa hat on...
Does she know she is talking to people who slam shots of fireball and chase it with vodka?
Never let your siblings swipe right.
It's not even 7 yet. She's singing you are my sunshine to the smirnoff bottle.
Randomize
