you went into starbucks asked for a mocha "on the rocks"
did u get his digits?
yes his name is chazbangbangbang according to my phone...
Sorry for trying to give you my dresser last night. Are any of the drawers still in your car?
I'm deleting all the photos of dicks off my phone. This relationship could be serious
Showing up at the grocery store at 5am to have the clerk sprint to the condom cabinet waiving the keys because you told him to hurry it was an emergency
I believe some people would call last night an orgy.
Excuse me but the alley way I wanted to fuck in happens to be a very nice clean area.
i think the theme of this summer is "shitting in weird locations."
I don't feel bad about fucking old guys. That's what I want. It's what I likeeeeee.
"If it gets you high just do it" I told him he was the Nike of drug abuse
Hey texans ride hard. He should have known what he was in for when I asked to sit on his face. The broken nose was a BADGE he just earned.
On way back. With a shopping cart. Minimal casualties.
I just want to smoke weed and be the little spoon all winter. My modern day hibernation.
I'm to childless and to single to be asking myself why I'm so sticky
Why is the turtle in the toilet again?
Well as I was puking in the tub I put him in there to keep me company but I am almost positive the original setup was him in the tub and me next to the toilet...I hope he likes tequila
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