people and things i regret. that's what i want to do tonight.
I really want to fuck my wifes sister.
just walked by a lingerie store, the sign out front, "Specials for Father's Day", in no way is that just not wrong.
Your mom has a birthmark right next to her nipple
How bad was it?
You ran around telling everyone that you were going to click them to death on google earth
Registered for next semester classes drunk. Let's hope I didn't accidently sign up for history of dinosaurs again...
It's not every day you get to see a girl fuck herself with a pickle.
i woke up and saw you were brushing his hair naked. I can never pass out around you, man.
Right but I don't wanna waste the whole weekend not having sex when we could be having sex
I though us hooking up in the field was your way of saying you were an outdoors person
Lets go hit some boners bro!
I appreciate the acceptance and inclusion, but that's not how we gay men talk.
You can't be friends with my side piece. Conflict of interest.
oh my god. picked the worst day ever to not wear underwear...
I'm just gonna stop you right there because there is, in fact, no such thing.
The only people allowed to make me cry are myself and Chris Hemsworth as Thor. And me.
Omg worst high ever. I'm watching Parks and Rec, and all i can think about is how andy, leslie, and tom are my closest friends. Forever alone.
Randomize
