Memory from last night that just came back: me forcibly jacking him off while he yelled I DONT LIKE HANDJOBS I DONT LIKE HANDJOBS
P.S. I can't hear my feet
I would like to thank collapsed soviet republics and fathers who didnt show enough attention for tonight's festivities
she's got a whisker from her dead cat taped to the wall. I'm pretty sure that about sums it up...
The panties match.
I'll be right there.
I just found my coat check number in my underwear.
Hes stumbling drunkenly around the streets of New York with a balloon vagina on his head. I'd say hes having a good night.
Shit, my parents are coming over and I just realized that a grinder is not an acceptable paperweight
Omg do you remember last night you kept pointing to your vag asking who wants to play this like a fiddle hahaha
Idk I somehow continue to get laid by pulling my dick out and reciting the 3 world country orphan kid commercials
That bar is one yeast infection away from total annihilation.
Woke up backwards on a recliner
Thanksgiving day drinking ended up with me in a shopping cart screaming where are the bitches and condoms. I'd say it went well.
I would rather contract a disease that would eat me from the inside out and make me suffer painfully while it slowly killed me than to put myself through the 20 minutes of agony that is having sex with you ever ever again.
I think you're talking dirty but I'm not sure???
I'm too picky for internet dating and by picky I mean psycho.
Randomize
