hotel room ftw
would you consider dating someone with braces an investment?
Pissed on my Blackberry at the Astros game. Wish me luck explaining that one at work.
definition of desperate: He gave me his SC drivers license so i wouldn't forget to facebook him.
I know it's getting bad when I wash the bong more often then the dishes
so far i wrote 500 words for a paper on sean paul performing we be burnin..i can officially do anything on adderral
he took off his pants and apologized in advance if I thought he was too small.
Shaking her cervix like it's the hottest ticket around
Seeing a catheter being inserted into a penis severely diminished my sex life
she told me if people cross their eyes and look at her, they say she looks like megan fox
My afternoon will now be spent googling genital warts. I think my life is over.
I need to be more functional. That doesn't mean I'm going to drink less, I just need to wake up and shit
He's nice to look at and knows the difference between your and you're. I win.
Why didn't you ever bring me to the pope as a baby so he could kiss me.
I think he fucked my hip out of place.
Randomize
