My dad just drunkly made a toast in front of my entire extended family "to my daughter the recent and sucessful college and to my son the drunken whore-monger"
If he looks like a Gremlin DO NOT get him wet.
I just saw a guy wearing a tuxedo shirt under his overalls. That is true iowa class right there
...just for future reference, one Four Loko can fits PERFECTLY in a venti iced coffee cup from Starbucks
so, are you laying bloody on campus somewhere or did you go out after class and forget to let me know?
bloody. ill be home soon.
Next test. Underwater blowjob. If you fail...out of water blow job
On a scale of one to liver failure, how bad would it be if I played thunderstruck alone?
New York City is dangerous when the only bars you go to are the ones that have 'open' in front
in other news, i feel like i just shat out all my sins.
You said you were uncomfortable with your body and then you started making whale noises
If it was any colder outside, the frost from my breath would make a mixed drink
I would just like to say that I had morning sex today to the Hamilton soundtrack. So.
I was so high I just stared at the papa john's app on my phone and cried
Apparently walking into a national conference and proclaiming "i'm here to fuck shit up" is frowned upon.
Who knew?
I'm so stoned. We're making Josh's sister bake us brownies. She's so small and pixie like. Her brownies make me cry tears of happy.
Randomize
