I am about to get in a knife fight over a corn dog.
I just love slightly exposed cleavage. Not too much to be whory but just enough to say "your kids will never go hungry"
She refers to my dick as princess Sarah... oddly I'm okay with that.
imagine how many guys you'd have sex if you didn't recieve your monthly gift.
She kept saying the tortilla understood her. I honestly don't know where she found a tortilla at the pool.
we cut her off and put her in bed but by the time we got back to the drinks she was already there shirtless. she's the topless tequila ninja
Yes and yes. Got taken to a Florida strip club. I desperately want to flood my eyes and ears with hand sanitizer right now.
Well I don't think you can suck his dick while he's making pizza. I think that goes against some health codes.
What am I doing with my life
Sleeping with dudes who have peacocks apparently.
Throwing up into Nora's potty chair while simultaneously having beer shits was truly the highlight of my Christmas season.
Drunk me also decided it would be funny to change all the passwords on my computer last night. Now I can't log into anything.
at what point last night did i get this tattoo of an anchor made of dicks?
around eleven
With a word you would own me. At your command I would walk to your house completely naked.
The career specialist read an Onion article to us. Please send help.
I'd give my right arm to start my period. My right arm. Thats more significant then my left.
Randomize
